My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!