My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.