When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.