When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.