We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I don't get no respect

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.