My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.