My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."