Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.