Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

I can't get no respect.