Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.