Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.