There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.