My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

I can't get no respect.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?