My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

Look out for number one and try not to step in number two.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!