My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!