...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.