I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.