I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.