I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.

I have three kids, one of each.