The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.