When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.