When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.