When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.