I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.