I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.