I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.