I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

I don't get no respect