My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.