My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.