My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.