My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.