With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

I have three kids, one of each.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.