With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I can't get no respect.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."