Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!