When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.