When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"