Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.