All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.