All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.