I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.