I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!