School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.