School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.