A woman's place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman's pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

You don't have to be in "Who's Who" to know what's what.

The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."