At the U.N., any nation that fights back is censored as an "aggressor."

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

Give your child a spanking once a day. If you don't know why, he does.

We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late.