The high IQ has become the American equivalent of the Legion of Honor, positive proof of a child's intellectual aristocracy.... It has become more important to be a smart kid than a good kid or even a healthy kid.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

When I came home and showed my mother my report card with a mark of 98 in arithmetic, she wanted to know who had gotten the other two points.

It's not the sugar that makes the tea sweet, but the stirring.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?