The Puritans came to America to worship in their way and to force everybody else to do the same thing.

A woman's place is in the home. Why should she go out and take away a workingman's pay instead of staying home and stealing out of his jacket like a good wife.

It would be useless to bomb Washington. If you destroy one building, they already have two other buildings completely staffed with people doing exactly the same thing.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

Democracy means doing whatever you want without asking permission of anybody but your boss, your doctor, your lawyer, your landlord, your bank, your city, your state and federal authorities, and your wife and children.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.