I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.

I think that whenever a Jew has any kind of notoriety, good or bad, the Jews find it to be good.

You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.

When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.

Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years... but younger black women are prostitutes.