Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!

Sometimes I am screwing around, and sometimes I get way too serious, but I am a pretty sincere person.

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, "I want pussy!" Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me!

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.