I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

The reason the rest of us remember, like, when John Lennon died, is because it's a moment when adrenaline is surging.

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny.

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

You can be Hitler and go to confession and say forgive me, Father, I killed six million Jews, and the priest would just be like no problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler goes to heaven.

I don't really care for like fat jokes about women, specifically.

Making my family laugh when I was little - it became an addiction. It was a kind of survival.