I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.

The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.

Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.

I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.

I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.

I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.

Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.