I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

I am diagnosed with not having enough insanely-addictive drugs coursing through my body.

I don't think comedy comes from hotbeds of doing shtick. I think it usually comes from some kind of childhood humiliation or darkness.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.