I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.

I always look at myself knowing that I will have a certain degree of cognitive distortion.

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.