I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time.

If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.

I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.

I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.