Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.

I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.

I still have highs and lows, maybe I don't cry salty tears as much.

Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

Sometimes loving each other isn't enough. You have to be responsible for your own happiness. You can't stay in a relationship because you're afraid of the unknown.