I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

The sun shines directly on this great country, and it can be harvested, it's not owned by anybody. It's something the Jews and the Palestinians share and could work together to make the whole world a better place, not just this Middle East stuff, but the whole world.

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.

Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.

If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.

If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.