And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.

I have no religion. But culturally I can't escape it; I'm very Jewish.

I just think of myself as a comedian, really.

But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy and not be funny. My spirit can't take it.

I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very dark place. It’s not romantic. Not even a little.