She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.

I can only speak from my own experience, and I would say that the depression I experienced feels like a chemical change. When it came over me, when it comes over me, it feels like it's coming over me like a flu.

I didn't feel so different until maybe, like, around third grade. Kids started blaming me for my people killing Jesus.

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.

I've always kept my overhead low so I could do whatever I want. I think of myself as lazy with spurts of getting a lot done. I find myself rooting against things sometimes because I get excited at the thought of a clean slate.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.