Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.

For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

As a rule, I don't like to laugh at the misfortune of others. The exception to that rule is if it's really, really funny.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.