I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

The day you realize that your efforts and rewards are not related, it really frees up your calendar.

If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.