This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.

We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.

People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.