If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.

Home is pretty utopian.

The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.

The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.

The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.