On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.

If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.

I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'

Always Postpone Meetings with Time-wasting Morons

The Dilbert Principle: People are idiots.

The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.