As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.

Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.

You might think the word "homemade" is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.

Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your "gut instinct" to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you'll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.

The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.