Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally

I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played.

To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.