Failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight.

I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.

The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.

He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.

Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo

Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.