My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.

If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.

Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the