In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.

We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.

I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.

As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.

Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.

This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.

I get mail; therefore I am.