Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.

I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.

If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

Large corporations welcome innovation and individualism in the same way the dinosaurs welcomed large meteors.

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.