One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.

There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.

If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.