Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.

The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.

If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally

The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the