Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

If our mushrooms make you hallucinate, please inform us immediately so we can overcharge you.

On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.

We know the goats are imported because they don't speak English.

Good ideas have no value because the world already has too many of them. The market rewards execution, not ideas.

Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).

As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.