The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

In the human race today, you came last.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.